Living with a chronic illness can be an isolating and emotionally complex experience. One well-meaning but misplaced comment can unintentionally hurt someone who is already navigating a complicated health reality. If you want to offer comfort and support but need help finding the right words, this list is here to guide you.
The following list consists of 15 things you should avoid saying to someone with a chronic illness and provided compassionate alternatives that will make them feel seen, heard, and supported.
1. "You don’t look sick."
What not to say:
While this might seem like a compliment, it can minimize a person's experience by implying their illness isn't "real" because it's not visible.
What to say instead:
"I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, even though it’s not something I can see."
2. "It could be worse."
What not to say:
No one’s struggles should be measured against another’s. This phrase can come across as dismissive of their pain.
What to say instead:
"I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. How can I support you?"
3. "Have you tried [XYZ remedy]?"
What not to say:
Suggesting remedies, especially unsolicited, can feel invalidating. It assumes they haven’t already tried everything within their power.
What to say instead:
"If you’d like to talk about the treatments or approaches you’re trying, I’d love to listen."
4. "God doesn’t give you more than you can handle."
What not to say:
While this may come from a place of faith or encouragement, it can imply that their suffering is somehow a "test" or justified.
What to say instead:
"This is so unfair, and I’m here for you through it."
5. "At least it’s not [another condition]."
What not to say:
Comparing illnesses can make someone feel like they have no right to share their pain or seek understanding.
What to say instead:
"I can’t imagine how challenging this must be for you."
6. "You should be grateful—you could have it worse."
What not to say:
Telling someone to be grateful for their situation is dismissive of their struggles and emotions.
What to say instead:
"I know you’re dealing with a lot. I admire your strength through all of this."
7. "You’re too young to be this sick."
What not to say:
Though it might sound empathetic, this phrase dismisses the reality that illness knows no age boundaries.
What to say instead:
"It’s hard to accept how young you are and that you’re dealing with this. I hope I can help support you."
8. "But you were fine yesterday!"
What not to say:
Chronic illnesses often have unpredictable ups and downs. Suggesting they were fine just a day ago undermines the episodic nature of many conditions.
What to say instead:
"How are you feeling today? Is there anything you need?"
9. "Have you tried being more positive?"
What not to say:
Toxic positivity can invalidate someone’s experience, making them feel like their emotions are wrong or unwelcome.
What to say instead:
"I admire your resilience. It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling—I’m here for you."
10. "I get tired, too—it’s probably just stress."
What not to say:
Equating a chronic illness with everyday fatigue belittles their lived reality and can come across as dismissive.
What to say instead:
"I can’t understand exactly what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen if you’d like to share."
11. "You just need to exercise more."
What not to say:
This assumes the person’s illness stems from something they’re not doing, placing unnecessary blame on them.
What to say instead:
"I know you’re doing everything you can to take care of yourself. How can I support you?"
12. "Have you thought about dieting or losing weight?"
What not to say:
This question can be deeply hurtful, especially if illness is unrelated to weight. It also implies that their condition is their fault.
What to say instead:
"I hope you’re getting the care and support you deserve. If you ever want help navigating resources, I’m here for you."
13. "You’re so strong—I could never deal with this."
What not to say:
Though intended as a compliment, it can be isolating. Many people with chronic illnesses don’t have a choice but to endure.
What to say instead:
"I admire how you manage what you’re going through. I’ll always have your back."
14. "It’s all in your head."
What not to say:
This invalidates their experience and perpetuates harmful misconceptions about invisible illnesses.
What to say instead:
"Even though I can’t see what you’re going through, I believe you. I’m here for you."
15. "I know exactly how you feel!"
What not to say:
Even if you’ve had a similar experience, every person’s pain and challenges are unique. This statement can unintentionally shift the focus to you.
What to say instead:
"I don’t know exactly how you feel, but I want to understand and support you."
Supporting Someone with Compassion
When speaking to someone with a chronic illness, the most important thing you can do is listen without judgment and validate their feelings. Small, thoughtful changes in how we communicate can make a world of difference.
Chronic illness can be isolating, but through meaningful and compassionate conversations, we can help combat that loneliness. Take time to educate yourself, check in often, and lead with kindness. It’s not about having the perfect words; it’s about having the right intentions.
At Invisible Warriors LTD, we strive to provide support and resources for those living with chronic illness. Join our community and help us spread compassion and understanding. Remember, a little kindness goes a long way. Let's work together to create a more inclusive and empathetic world for those battling chronic illness and make sure that no one feels alone in their struggles, but instead feels seen, heard, and supported by those around them. Together, we can make a positive impact on the lives of those with chronic illnesses. And remember, it's not just about what you say; it
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